couple making heart with their hands

couple making heart with their hands

“How long should I have to stay in a miserable marriage? Significantly if my wife doesn’t help our relation?” An anonymous wife describes her experience in this article and what God has taught her in a long and challenging way after her wedding. 

I’ve been married to a man who has focused his life and his interests on him for over 47 years. 

He went with me occasionally when he and I were dating and were active in his church youth group, so I thought we had the same commitment to the church and God. I was 18, naïve, and I ought to have done more to ensure we shared the same faith. We were only 18. 

I asked him several times in the first weeks after our w to start visiting churches. Finally, he told me he was forced to go to church when he was a child and “Nobody will ever make me go again.” He told me. 

He’d be charming, gentle, and kind, I expected. But within one wedding month, when his friends came to our apartment, he shook me and made me leave the room. I once sat with him on the couch, kicked me with his feet, and knocked me out. 

You had to stop that. 

I’m not going to be maltreated, I told him, and I started packing my case. He excused himself and said that he would never do it again. And he has not physically abused me since, to his credit. But it hasn’t been great since the wedding. With his words, he is usually negative and seldom positive. I found out a couple of times that he had a fling or an emotional affair. 

While he was a king of the home, it is essential to understand that in the name of blind “subsidization,” I didn’t agree with his behavior or decisions. As a couple or individually, I often called on him to consider counseling, but he refused. “Nutcakes are counseling,” he said. 

I left him reading books, and I got him to attend wedding meetings. I have been trying to appeal to myself for a while—I have been taking part in many Bible studies about being a godly wife, and I have been reading books about understanding men. These were valuable things but not the ultimate reply. 

I realized that my husband couldn’t do anything – he was a tough, self-centered man committed to living his life as he wanted it. I had to give him and our relationship with God, and I had known that I had to ask Him to give me the strength to persevere and love my wife. 

Why Not Divorce?

Some people wonder why I didn’t receive a divorce when they heard my story. You say I should have moved on to find someone who loves me and that I should have been loved. 

They say I was too submissive and remained in an abusive relationship for too long. We had three children, and some thought I should have brought them out of the house to protect them. 

This is a vulnerable and challenging issue because in the circumstances such as mine, so many couples today do not stay together.  Many can’t imagine lasting difficulties like mine. But I was persuaded that God wanted me to keep before Him my vows at my wedding.